Full of Shinto
Shinto 1:
There is a shinto ceremony for blessing the roof of a house under construction. Builders climb to the top of the roof, carrying with them a large dead fish on a tray for good measure. They then proceed to throw bean and rice cakes at the people beneath. The idea is that the motley crew on the ground scurry about collecting the said confectionery. Bean cakes can be quite heavy, especially large ones, which are like breast implants made of lead. Bending over to collect a cake is often accompanied by an ominous clonk on the head from an air to surface bean missile. The problem with a celebration for erecting the structure of a house`s roof, is rain. A roof does not provide much cover when it has not yet been built. Having violently assaulted the gathered audience, the builders then break into traditional song, and there is much merriment. The beer flows and sushi rolls out - one soon forgets that shinto ceremonies are soggy and dangerous affairs.
[A builder can barely contain his glee as he pummels the congregation with rice cakes. These sweets are mouth-watering. One has to produce a month`s worth of saliva just to chew a single one of them. Having given up on mastication, one swallows the offending foodstuff whole, only for a thud on the nut to remind one that hundreds more of the cakes are earthbound. Perhaps the builder looks so happy because he is getting rid of the bloody things.]
Sleeping on trains:
The Japanese go into standby mode on trains. They sit down and the power goes off. Their heads flop down, nodding in agreement with the train`s momentum. Tired office workers have an uncanny tendency to levitate in their slumber, often re-appearing on different trains seemingly without altering their flaccid posture. But even schoolchildren nod off in transit, soon after their hand-held gaming devices and mobile phones have finally succeeded in nullifying any hint of independent thought or creative energy from their well-drilled brains. Perhaps they dream a lot, imagining a world without a hamster-wheel work ethic and a seven day school week.
[A wide-awake westerner is stuck in a sleepy Japanese sandwich.]
Punctuality:
The Japanese transport system is world-renowned. Compared to European transport networks, perhaps with the exception of Germany, it is a welcome change. Everything runs on time. The reason everything runs on time is an absolute commitment to deliver an efficient service. The British transport system could learn a great deal from the Japanese model: air-conditioned carriages, well-presented staff, a consistent and coherent fare structure. What the guide books don`t tell you is that the Japanese are so committed to time-keeping that they will sometimes depart early in order to arrive "on time". Few people are proud of the British rail network, but at least it is honest about its general inadequacy, with many trains cancelled because of an "absence of driver", or other such minor drawbacks. Japan is different. In the author`s humble opinion, if a bus is scheduled to leave at 10am it should not leave at 09:56am. One driver was even seen moving his clock forward in order to depart early on time. This will not do. If things are on time because they are early, then that makes late people even later, and the sordid cycle will continue until late people just become incredibly early for the next bus, with the concept of punctuality entirely redundant.
Expressing Contradictions:
There are three types of trains in this area of Japan. The type of train depends on the number of stations at which it stops, denoted by a coloured sign on the outside of each carriage. Limited Express trains have a red sign, and stop only at major stations, Express trains are marked with a green sign and stop more frequently than Limited Express trains but less frequently than Local trains, which are marked by a white sign and stop everywhere. This is a perfectly rational system. Problems arise however when a train undergoes an identity crisis and changes from an Express train to a Local train over the course of one`s journey. Newcomers to the country will step confidently on to a speedy Express train, only for it to morph into a Local train without a hint of warning (except for a Japanese tannoy announcement that might as well be broadcasting eskimo television news backwards). Of course the system works perfectly most of the time, making such unexpected contradictions all the more infuriating.
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